If You Love Someone, Do You Risk Setting Them Free?

Dear Zuri:

My year and a half relationship with my girlfriend just ended about 2 months ago and deep down I still do have feelings for her. She has told me the same but I’m very skeptical on us getting back together. I never was in love with a girl more than I was with her and we had even talked about marriage and kids. But unfortunately, I guess we just drifted apart the last few months and now she has a new group of friends that I never would have pictured her hanging out with in the first place. I believe she is talking with someone else now too.

I do want her in my life still and she does too but being friends with her would just be too hard for me. Anyways, is there a future for us down the road or is it best to follow the old saying, “If you love something, then let it go”? I’m really curious to find out in the this time of uncertainty in my life. Hope to hear from you.

AB 9/83

Dear A:

As an Aquarius, your ex-girlfriend exudes the energy of being a very free-spirited and independent woman in terms of how she relates to others and what she wants out of life. Friendships are very important to her, becoming an integral part of her identity. With your sun being in the scrutinizing sign of Virgo, you think things through carefully and don’t take action quickly without weighing the pros and cons. While your head still has you stuck in the past remembering how good it used to be, she’s looking to fill her life with the spontaneity that allows her to live in the moment. Personality wise, you two have grown apart. So, what you are looking for in a new relationship and where she is at emotionally are not in sync any longer. You are not operating on the same vibrational frequency because you are just in different places right now.

She’s moved on to dating new people and leaning on new friendships for her foundation. You’re right in thinking that befriending her would only hurt you because you are not ready to be her friend while you still have romantic feelings towards her. I decided to consult my trusty tarot cards to see the likelihood of getting back together. Although the cards do show a slim chance of a reconnection, intuitively I don’t recommend doing that because it may not last or you’d likely end up not getting much emotional satisfaction from reuniting with her as a lover. She is not going to change her friends or her lifestyle for you and you will not be content accepting the person she is discovering within herself on her journey to maturity.

As we all go through life, we will have many relationships. Some will grow and remain a part of our lives for decades. Others will be shorter lived as people grow in different directions and change. We have the choice sometimes to experience changes together or apart. When we let go of any long term relationship, it’s going to be filled with mixed emotions, oftentimes heartache, because the person became such a comfortable and ingrained part of our daily existence.

Each relationship fulfills some sort of life lesson about ourselves and helps transform us into stronger, better people. My advice to you is to resolve the conflicts within yourself that are causing you to wait around for her. Take the time to be honest with yourself and your feelings. Are you stuck in this self created holding pattern out of genuine love for her or is it really due to an ego based fear of being alone? My intuition tells me that it’s the latter.

The most selfless act of love you can make is to let someone go so you can both be happy finding partners who support and celebrate who you are becoming today. Reclaim your personal power by moving forward with your life. Get out of your own head and jump back into life again. Start making friends of your own, who are more in alignment with your life perspective and values. This process will allow you to finally close that chapter so you can make room for new romantic partners.

Much success to you on the road of love!

Blessings,
Zuri ♥

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