Dear Zuri:
M used to be my boss a few years ago when he was going through a very nasty divorce. I quit and had no contact with him until 9 months ago when he just walked up and began kissing me at his Pub. We began dating and became exclusive immediately. After 4 months, we had a blow up and broke up.
A month later, he emailed me inviting me over for wine and we got back together. A few weeks later we broke up again over miscommunication. A month after that we reconnected but decided to take things slow, mostly due to him being extremely stressed about his failing business, investments and his father’s health. He didn’t know it at the time, but he was suffering from depression.
Last night he revealed that he is in full blown depression, but he’s never suffered from depression, so he’s not sure whats going on in his head. He said he doesn’t want to feel anything for anyone, including me. He said he’s never felt as connected to someone as he does me, not even with his ex wife, but for whatever reason, he’s very depressed right now and wants me to go away.
He said he wants to date other people who he feels nothing for so he won’t have to be responsible for their feelings. He was all over the map with what he wanted, he just wasn’t sure. My question is, what is going on with him, what is going to happen with us and is there anything I can do to fix this?
– CH 10/72
Hi C!
Generally, Libran men have a reputation for being on the fence when it comes to commitment, which can lead to that hot and cold treatment you’ve been experiencing. This has been a major karmic lesson for you. You have put in a lot of effort to make this work by offering your love patiently but he hasn’t even attempted to meet you halfway. When I checked out his tarot cards, the Eight of Pentacles and King of Rods revealed that he’s very skilled at protecting himself and putting himself first in his life. Although the Ace of Pentacles supports that he may be awesome at starting things physically, the Five of Rods indicated that he lacks the follow through to close the deal and invest what it takes to maintain a stable relationship.
So what you can expect from him is a pattern of always putting himself and his needs, physical or otherwise, first and not yours. It’s never fun to have to be the one to tell you the truth but the reality of your circumstances is that he’s using you for his own validation and physical needs. Don’t buy into his exit commentary of wanting to date others who he doesn’t have to feel anything for. Bottom line, the Moon card next to the Three of Swords confirm that he’s giving you a bunch of intellectual doubletalk to explain his emotional impotence.
Hooking up sexually is not proof that he has any emotional attachment. The dominance of pentacles and absence of cups in the spread supports the message that it was mainly a physical fling and not one ever based in emotional connection on his side. In your mind, his prior physical actions were evidence that it meant more but not to him. If he has not felt anything emotionally by now to make him want to stick around, then there is nothing you can do to change that. Nor, should you want to. You don’t want a guy that you need to force to want to be with you. He should want to be there for himself.
You wanted to trust him and believe he was a decent guy. Unfortunately, the Seven of Swords warns that you got tricked by a guy who is a mess and who hides behind excuses, instead of just being honest with you. Luckily, I am going to stand up and be kind enough to tell you what you need to hear so you can cut this guy loose once and for all. His behavior and actions clearly tell you he’s just not that into you. And frankly, he’s not that great of a catch anyway. He does not respect women by his lack of boundaries, heartless attitude and the way he discards them without another thought once they have satisfied his needs. That’s not the type of guy you want in your life. You deserve better.
I drew a last card for guidance on how to proceed and got the Five of Swords, which is an indicator that it’s time to separate yourself from this man’s influence. So, my advice to you is not to waste another second trying to help him or wait for him to wake up and realize what an amazing person you are to be with. You are not looking for the same things in a relationship. Truthfully, he’s not even looking for a real relationship. He has already moved on to exploring other romantic possibilities that he can control by bringing very little to the table. So, before you get caught up in the revolving door of him coming and going from your life when he needs a sexual fix, you’re best served to move on and focus your energies on men who deserve your genuine attention and interest.
Blessings!
Zuri
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