When your intuition’s warning you of trouble in romantic paradise.
At one point, everyone may experience that sick, stomach churning feeling, alerting them that something in their relationship is wrong. They may dismiss it as an overactive imagination, paranoia or a case of bad chinese take out from the night before. However, when they notice that those uncertain feelings linger for weeks and maybe even months, they realize that it is not a situation that can be ignored.
Your emotions are the one real friend you can always count on to tell you the truth, no matter how much it hurts. Whether it’s intuition sending you a telegram that trouble is brewing in romantic paradise or simply an acute subconscious connection to the vibrations in your environment, those signs of infidelity need to be listened to and investigated.
For the seeker of truth behind the suspicious behavior and actions of their partners, I’ve composed a guide to spotting infidelity to give you a starting point in your PI work.
- Unaccounted for Spending Receipts
If a person has taken on a new lover, they will have to spend money to take them out to restaurants, hotels, trips, and buy them gifts. So, keep an eye on expenses through a credit card paper trail that do not have a reasonable explanation. Some cheating partners may choose the cash route and withdraw funds from local or out of town ATMs to finance their indiscretions. - Changes in Appearance
Study any changes in wanting to suddenly improve their physical looks. Cheating spouses or significant others often want to look better for their lover and will start buying new clothing, working out, wearing makeup, getting a new hairstyle, or start wearing new perfume or cologne. - Internet Communication
Often, if a spouse or boy/girlfriend met their lover online, they’ll correspond via Instant Message or email. So, a review of their chats will reveal if it is a simple flirtation or if it has gone further.Also, check out some of the popular online dating sites, such as Yahoo! Personals, Match.com, eHarmony, MySpace etc for their picture and profile, especially if that was how you first met. Sometimes, they never take their profile down and continue meeting new people using the same member id. So, keep an eye on old profiles that for some reason never got taken down or deleted.
If they are all of a sudden deleting their emails before you can read them or changing their password, that can also tip you off that there is something going on that they do not want you to find out about.
- Becoming a Workaholic
A person who is cheating will often use work as an excuse to meet with their lover. You’ll notice they work later than usual, take frequent work related trips or if they are a commuter, will give you an excuse that a new job project has crazy hours which leads them to sleeping overnight in the city. Another clue may be their disappearance during lunch hours where even their coworkers or secretary may not know how or where to reach them. - Decrease in Sex Drive
This is one of the first tell tale signs that a partner may be cheating because they will want less and less sex from you, since they are getting it from their lover. - Changes in Sex Style
On the flip side of that, you may experience your partner suddenly trying out new positions or techniques in bed that most probably were taught to them by their new lover. If you do suspect cheating, please protect yourself by using a condom or getting tested because s/he could be bringing in sexually transmitted diseases from the affair. - Telephone Clues
Watch for strange hang ups that start to occur more often when the unknown caller hears your voice. It may be the lover trying to get in touch with your spouse or live in partner. Also, check for unknown numbers on the cellphone and home phone records that are becoming more and more frequent.Another clue is your partner not returning your phone calls within a short period of time. In the past, s/he always got back to you within the hour but lately, s/he cannot be reached by phone for many hours. If you are not living together, they may even start returning your calls the next day, instead of later that same day or night. You may even notice that when you are together, they turn off their cellphones or turn their answering machine volumes to low or mute so you don’t hear the lover calling or leaving them a message.
- Personality Changes
S/he suddenly becomes distant and is not as affectionate as they used to be. The compliments become scarce, they find fault in your actions or behavior and the efforts to be emotionally supportive are not as forth coming as they used to be. Communication has diminished and you start to feel neglected and alone even when s/he is in the same room.You may also experience an increase in arguments and heated fighting as their stress level goes up trying to live the double life. Even catching them in lies, excuses and defensive behavior may become prevalent as time goes on. It is difficult for many cheaters to keep the charade going forever.
- Shower Frequency
You notice s/he showers the moment they get home. This may be a sign that they are trying to remove the traces of scent of another lover from their body so you don’t suspect what they were doing. - Laundry
If they are cheating, you may notice them doing their own laundry and getting nervous when you offer to do it for them. The reason may be so that they can remove any scents of the lover, sex stains or lipstick smudges left behind. - Spending Less Time With You
No matter how long couples have been together, they usually have days of the week where they spend time together going out and doing fun things together, commonly known as date night. Couples also plan trips and vacations, which become habitual. If a partner is cheating, they may start to show less of an interest in spending time with you and make excuses as to why they can no longer go on trips or vacations together. The common excuses range from being too tired, having too much work to having a friend or other family emergency that requires their time and attention. They may even encourage you to take trips and vacations by yourself or with others. - Changes in Energy Levels
All of those stolen days and hours spent with their lover will take a toll on their energy levels. So, you may start to see your partner too exhausted to do much with you or go out with you anywhere. - Property or Car Rentals & Ownership
For couples who have a substantial income, large undisclosed expenses can lead to uncovering secret property and car rentals or ownership. So do a background check by researching public records to find out if new homes, condos or apartments have been co-signed for or rented and purchased in their name.You may discover their romantic getaway or new home for the cheating partner’s lover. If you have a second home or vacation place together, then make sure to frequently visit or have trusted friends keep an eye on it to make sure that it is not being used without your knowledge. It’s not uncommon for them to buy or lease a new car for their lover too so don’t leave that stone unturned.
With the exception of last tip, none of these signs by themselves are conclusive evidence of adultery since there could be a reasonable explanation for the changes in behavior, depending on what is going on in their personal or work life, such as a death in the family, depression or other medical problems, financial problems, substance abuse, loss of employment, work instability, or new job which brings new pressures and responsibilities on their plate.
However, if you are able to check off more and more of the signs on the list as behaviors seen in your partner, then the likelihood of infidelity runs high and the red flags are worth looking into. Amp up your detective work by creating your own surveillance to find out the truth once and for all.
Some people recommend just confronting your partner but more often than not, very few cheating partners will be honest and admit the affair unless they are confronted with irrefutable and tangible evidence. And, if they are not cheating, it will only anger or hurt them to be accused of it. So, before you make accusations and confront them, I say move forward with your detective work and gather up your evidence first. Investigate further by verifying their stories and plans.
If through your investigations, you discover that s/he has been sleeping with someone else, you have a choice to make here. Based on the length of the affair and how committed they are to it, either walk away and don’t look back or try to salvage the relationship through therapy and open communication. If both people truly want to make the relationship work, then you know you have a real shot at getting through this and the relationship may come out stronger from the experience. Always remember to listen to your inner voice that is there to guide you in making the right decision.
xo Zuri
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