Dear Zuri:
S and I were involved in an affair that has lasted over three years. Although we resisted the attraction for a long time, it happened. His marriage with his wife has been in trouble long before I came on the scene. His wife found out about us just over two years ago and has gone back and forth between taking him back and ending it.
He keeps coming back to me but is still not ready to fully commit because of guilt and trying to make it up to her. He still lives with his ex-wife two days a week, as their house has not been sold yet. I feel he still tries to have everything on his terms and plays games with me. And, his drinking and drug problems don’t help. I don’t know whether to stop seeing him so that he makes a bigger effort to get things sorted out and choose me or to move on. He thinks there is nothing wrong with his behavior and addictions. Please help!
Thanks,
LL 6/66
Hi L!
He is not going to change and choose you because he likes what he has going for him, which is a mistress when it fits his schedule and a wife who is willing to remain in an unhealthy relationship with a dishonest and drug addicted partner. You definitely have competition for his affections because although she knows about you and the affair, she still does not want to let go of him and the relationship he has with her. I got the 4 of Swords dominating the spread which showed me him retreating when things get too intense for him. He blocks the outside world and uses the fact that his house has not sold to put you off and justify his still being with the ex “2 days a week”. If he truly wanted to be with you, he’d be living with you and not the ex. He’s mainly looking to keep things status quo and live through his rose colored glasses of a drug induced reality.
His words and promises have no foundation by the 7 of Swords that followed. Although he may move towards you with passion when he wants to come back into your life for a little while, in his mind he pulls back and remains disconnected. His thoughts and feelings don’t match at all. His drug use clouds his judgment and distorts his perception to offer you anything real and of substance. I sensed that you two have many years of going through these patterns, where he moves in with loving promises, talking it up and then he gets all huffy when you ask him anything about a real future which results in your heart being broken.
The relationship you love has a lot of hidden and harmful sides to it – mainly the betrayal and the addictions which are slowly eating away at your self-esteem and self-love. Intuitively, the only person I see that is open to taking action here is you. He is not looking to rock the boat and make any waves. He is standing still in the middle of a hurricane out at sea with no life preserver and pulls everyone willing to love him into the chaos. What needs to happen is rehab, a 12 step program and treatment for his substance and drug abuse. He needs to get cleaned up and only he can do that for himself when he recognizes he has a problem and is ready to confront it head on.
However, even if he did, I still got a predominance of tarot cards in this spread that indicate trouble and deceit continuing. He is just no good for you as a romantic partner and is holding you back from finding real love for yourself. I drew a few cards for you and the Chariot, Eight of Cups and Six of Wands say you have to take action by moving away from him in order to achieve the type of romance you want. I would also encourage a period of therapy so you can gain the tools to heal and be emotionally ready for what a new relationship may have to offer.
Ultimately, S keeps pulling you back and forth in two directions, keeping you stuck. He has a choice to either improve his life or remain in the ever darkening abyss he has created for his future. But, you have the choice to remove these blinders you have on to the truth of the matter and make a decision to get out of this relationship that is not going anywhere.
Blessings!
Zuri
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