Dear Zuri,
I have a dilemma that I hope you can help me with. I’ve been together with my boyfriend for about 5 years now. We’ve been engaged for the last 3 years and living together. Yet, every time I try to discuss setting a date for the wedding, he says we should wait and that it’s not the right time. I love him but I want to make sure I’m not wasting my time if he is not serious about our future.
Do you see him ever marrying me or am I just spinning my wheels here?
– TK 5/72
Dear T,
I feel your fiance has made it crystal clear where he stands on the issue of marrying you. Not taking action for three years is a decision in itself and sends a very strong message that he chooses not to move your relationship to the next level. Proposing marriage was a way of placating you into sticking around because while he was not ready to end the relationship, he was also not willing to make a spiritual and legal bond to you. You have invested five years in a relationship that is not moving in the direction that makes you happy. How much longer are you going to put your dreams and wants on hold for him?
All his needs are being met with this arrangement you’ve allowed to develop. Living together works for him because he has all the perks of being married without actually having to make that type of commitment to you. But what about your needs? You have given him all the power in this relationship and it’s time to reclaim your power back. If marriage is what you ultimately seek, then it is definitely time to end this dead end relationship so you can find a man who will be ready to share his life with you.
Don’t continue wasting years on a guy who is not certain about your future together. He is holding you back from meeting eligible bachelors in your area that will offer you the marital commitment you desire. It’s time to focus on your needs and be proactive in manifesting the love life you envisioned for your future. The only way you will get what you want is to be assertive and go after it. Cut this fish loose and re-toss your line to catch bigger and better fish in your romantic pond!
The next time you get engaged, remember that it’s only a verbal pledge of commitment. If you want to ascertain that a guy’s intentions to marry you are serious and will lead to a marriage ceremony, keep the wedding date within a year’s time of the engagement and stick to that plan. Everything in life is about lessons and experiences. Learn from this experience so you don’t repeat it.
Blessings!
Zuri
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